i’ve been assigned to hire interns at my job, but i’m adopting a puppy instead. puppy intern will help us complete the following tasks:
- fetch us coffee and office supplies
- lick all the envelopes closed
- shed confidential and unnecessary documents
- facilitate small ambulation breaks for walks and wrestling time; activate the body to keep the mind focused
- irritate Dave’s allergies (nobody likes Dave)
- keep up office moral when monotony, again, strangles all of our hopes and dreams.
- i’ll never leave the office. there is a dog here and do you know where there isn’t a dog? my apartment.
- WE ARE GOING TO HAVE A DOG IN THE OFFICE AND SHE CAN WEAR A LITTLE NECKTIE AND CAN SLEEP IN A LITTLE BRIEFCASE SHAPED DOGGY BED ON MY DESK AND I PROMISE I WILL LOVE HER FOREVER PLZ LET US GET THIS DOG